Feature # 5: Self-confidence, a double-edged knife?

 

In the process of professional and personal development, self-confidence is generally highly vaunted. Self-confidence and belief in one's potential and abilities are the result of a number of endogenous and exogenous factors. Whatever the factor, it is an essential asset for our personal boost which must be used and carefully balanced if it is to be of constant benefit. If misused, it can be harshly challenged and subjected to sharp criticism, justified or not. Before sharing my thoughts on this subject in today's column, I would like to quote my mentor Richard DACKAM-NGATCHOU: ‘At a certain level of expertise, modesty is a deficiency’. I've made this maxim my own ever since.

Fact 1: Personal resilience is nourished by hope and optimism

I was a valedictorian at the Lycée Municipal d'Adiaké, and after passing my A-levels I was admitted to the Lycée Scientifique deYamoussoukro, a top school, like most of the top students in Côte d'Ivoire at the time. After a good class in seconde C, I was admitted to 1ère C (Mathematics, Physics), which I began with great enthusiasm and pride. My first maths and physics exams turned out to be disastrous. I ended the term with the lowest average of my entire school life. I came out of it completely devastated, with my self-confidence sufficiently damaged that it was going to take me a long time to restore it. My activism in the Catholic youth and religious movements of the time helped to keep me afloat and gradually bring me back. This was a necessary stage in my life because it helped me understand that, since I couldn't sink any lower, all that was left for me to do was ‘remontada’. Over time and the years that followed, I made good progress in this area.

 Fact 2: Learn to navigate in turbulent waters, an excellent exercise in boosting your self-confidence

The professional world is made up of highs and lows. On this journey, you'll find that your self-confidence can be intimately linked to your work environment. I remember a stage in my life, when I had just become a father, when I was confronted with a kind of questioning of my ability to hold a job. Having changed my professional status during this period, the head of human resources felt that I had benefited from an unjustified favour. We clashed to the point where I seriously raised the idea of resigning with the office manager and my wife. My wife's response changed my perspective. She said to me, and I paraphrase: ‘Mr Elidje, you are no longer alone. You have a family to whom you have a responsibility. What's more, if every time you run into a serious problem you have to resign, you'll be constantly unemployed. So swallow your pride, get back to work and prove her wrong by questioning your professional achievements’. Which I did with flying colours. I've also been accused of being arrogant when, in certain circumstances, I showed great self-confidence by projecting a lecturing or teaching attitude onto an audience. This perception, even though it may be incorrect, remains the truth of the person who thinks it. I tell these anecdotes because in this case my self-confidence and belief in my abilities could, if I wasn't careful, lead me to make a wrong decision in a professional environment that wasn't very supportive on the face of it, or project an unnecessary negative image. On the other hand, with a bit of wisdom, our self-confidence can become a real asset in changing the game and imposing our rhythm with a view to overcoming adversity, or simply causing us to make the wrong decisions out of pride if need be. 

 

Washington, in front of the White House 

Fact 3: Your personal and professional satisfaction should not ‘emotionally’ depend on others

When I was a young professional in the Democratic Republic of Congo, one of the Representatives who shaped my first steps within UNFPA, Sidiki COULIBALY, constantly reminded me when I was congratulated on the quality of my work that I didn't deserve them because I had been recruited to produce quality work. In reality, he was doing it on purpose and he was right because he didn't want me to get a head full of myself. He was unintentionally preparing me for ‘professional emotional independence’. Later, with another, I learnt to become ‘emotionally’ independent of congratulations because he told me that congratulations are a bonus and not the norm. Personally, this was salutary. Indeed, if you reach this level, and you cross the path of someone who wants to break you down and sabotage your self-confidence, you'll have the resources you need to hold on. Personally, my personal and professional satisfaction depends first and foremost on my personal standards of excellence, which I have set for myself and which I want to be high. Then I ask myself the following question: ‘Have I given the best of myself in this job? If the answer is yes, then I can sleep soundly. If not, I take the remark and work on being better than I was before. I'm not saying that you shouldn't congratulate your children, your colleagues or anyone else who deserves it when it's necessary for something that stands out. I'm just saying that you shouldn't feel unhappy when you don't receive one.

 

 

Meeting in Kindu, Maniema in 2005 on GBV

Lessons learned

1.      The people of Côte d'Ivoire have a saying: ‘A dead goat is not afraid of a knife’. One of the Ivorian rap singers, Shado Chris, illustrates this well with one of his songs in which he says: ‘we're sitting on the ground, we can't fall any further... we're already born’. In our case, this would mean that when your self-confidence is shaken, scorned or trampled upon, the only choice is to go back the other way in order to regain it and so rebuild this precious resource.

2.      ‘If you don't have confidence in yourself, if you don't have respect, consideration and esteem for yourself, you can't be a man, even an ordinary man’. - Yasmina Khadra. Our self-confidence should not be used to put others down; on the contrary, it should be used to strengthen others on the same path. So it's essential to make it a pillar in your life and make it practically indestructible and resistant to all adversity. We also need to include it in our children's education and prepare them for real-life environments.

3.      Self-confidence means believing in one's abilities, accepting oneself, being autonomous and making independent decisions. Self-confidence contributes to personal and professional success, psychological well-being and balanced, respectful interpersonal relationships. It is important to note that self-confidence is not innate, but develops throughout life through life experiences, successes and failures, learning and the support of those around you, both personal and professional.